MEN'S INFIDELITY VIZ-A-VIZ WOMEN STABBING POLICY: HOW FAR MARRIAGE IN NIGERIA

By Odoh Oliver Joseph

INTRODUCTION

Initially, marriage is considered sacred institution among other institutions due to life involved in it and the future lifes it is saddled with the responsibility to provide. Both human beings and spirits are interested in marriage as it crowns the period of maturity and continuety in God's creative work. In African Traditional Religions(ATR), marriage is deeply rooted in Ancestoral participation because they belief that their ancestors are also witnesses and will ensure the continuety of their Ancestoral lineage by blessing their Union with fruits of the womb.

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 They regard their ancestors as the living dead. In the olden days, it is said that men marry their wives with one eye but nowadays men go into marriage with their two eyes wide open and that is why the rate of divorce especially in Nigeria is quiet alarming. Despite all these challenges the sanctity and values of marriage remains fixed and unshakable like Zuma Rock.

 The focus of this paper is on the following questions: why most men cheat? Is cheating innate in man? Does these methods of stabbing to death, pouring of harmful substances like hot water, burning alive of the victims etc adopted by most women to pour out their grievances, ethically justifiable? 

WHY MOST MEN CHEAT?

According to Jude Anyaoha "social ethics" noted that in marriage there is what is called "marriage debt" that must be rendered by both spouse for any marriage to be sustained. Marriage debt also known as conjugal right in simple term is an act of copullation which spouses need to fulfill mutually to each other. In most cases this debt are not fulfilled by spouse especially women who sees it as an instrument of purnishment to men for certain misunderstanding and so deny their husbands such right without any cogient reasons. Some listing to side talks and gussips thereby abstaining themselves from their spouse and when once men lack the presence of their wives any available ones becomes valuable. 

Excess liberality and lack of packaging on the side of the women contribute to infidelity in men. Critical assessment has proven that most spouse lost their male counterpart in another woman's bosom as a result of liberality and lack of self-packaging. To some women once the marriage is over, everything is over. No more makeups with the mindset that it doesn't matter after all I have gotten what I wanted so why the packaging again? It is pertinent to note that no one eat one type of food consistently without losing the apittite unless the same food is differently prepared. Packaging is one of the vital organ in marriage and any other relationship. It has the energy to sustain any relationship or marriage as long as it is practiced. Letting oneself loose after marriage is not a true sign of fidelity as some women claim it to be. Some has it that if they continue to package their hubby will suspect them without taking into consideration the fact that it is their same hubby who will petronize those who packaged themselves very well.therefore, to be able to keep the ball rolling (marriage or relationship) and to avoid cheating, it is necessary to follow current and abstain oneself from any sign of outdatedness. 

Also making a good delicasses is another antidote for infidelity in marriage. Out of pride and sometimes lack of cooking skills some women find it difficult to settle down and make a good dishes for their husbands without any excuses; even to the extent of not knowing their husbands favorite talk more of knowing how to prepare them. Some married men can't differentiate when they where still single and now that they have settled down in terms of what they eat. Regular or constant visit to Hotels and Restaurants attracts unnecessary attention because it is good morning that leads to how are you? Some famous Igbo aphorisms has it that "Onye kpara nku ahuhu di Siri ngwere biara ya ugwo" and that "Orimiri anaghi eri onye o n'ahughi ukwu ya anya". The former meaning that anyone who fetched firewood containing ants invited lizards for a gathering. While the later means that Rivers does not swallow anyone whose legs it did not see. Cheating or infidelity does not just occur by chance, something must be responsible and it takes gradual process which such occasions that leads to it should be avoided. 

Another Igbo Proverbs has it that "Ebe nwata na-ebute onu mmanummanu ka ana-ebute ozu ya". Which means that where a child often comes back filled and happy, there also his/her corpse are found. Testing all kinds of food seems initially healthier but the end is always disastrous. Cheating is adventurous and fun but later turns bitter. Moreover the Igbo's will say that "Obughi ikunye enwe mmiri bu nsogbu kama inata ya iko ma onucha". Meaning that to give a cup of water to a monkey is not a problem but to get the cup back from the monkey. Infidelity is easy to start but difficult to stop. If some women can control their longer throat, the level of infidelity in marriage will reduce because every business aims at profit.

IS CHEATING INNATE IN MAN?

The infidelity in marriage is part of the inheritance from the fall of the first parents. This paper is not in any way supporting cheating but tries to bring to the subconscious mind of women that the tendencies of infidelity is innate in every human beings but the act of cheating is at the individual disposal. Here the question of self control comes in to play. Following the etymology of male sex organ "Amu"(penis) in Igbo means "learning". The question of what to learn or is learning depends on the bearer. Thus it is in its nature to learn everything under skirt. It's sensitiveness over any holes is part of its natural components. This act of boundless or limitless access to everything is what constitutes it as a fool not the bearer as some women misconceptualizes men as fools due to their stronger sexual urge. Most atimes some ladies make such comments like: that man is a fool for doing a thing like that with that lit

tle girl. The fool(Amu or penis) is already aware of its foolishness rather the man is idiot for allowing the fool under him to fool himself. Every marriage is built upon this foolish ass (Amu or penis) but the ability to control it is a Mark of faithfulness in marriage. To any lasted marriage or relationship there is element of foolishness in the process in terms of understanding. Cheating is like follow come charger to men, whose usage depends on the owners choice. One of the distinguishing factor or the uniqueness of human beings over other creatures in the "chain of being" according to Picolo de lanmirandola is "the ability to chose ones destiny". Therefore, man has the chose to learn only his wife which is the act of maturity and self control lacking in Amu(penis) initially. Women have duties to study their partners weak points and be ready to support or fill them when necessary to sustain their marriages. Stabbing policy holds no water here because it is not an outside enemy (acquired habit) rather household enemy (comes within the person). It requires diplomacy, carefulness and patience to handle not by violence.

DOES THESE METHODS OF STABBING TO DEATH, POURING OF HARMFUL SUBSTANCES LIKE HOT WATER, BURNING ALIVE OF THE VICTIMS FOR CHEATING ETC ADOPTED BY MOST WOMEN TO POUR OUT THEIR GRIEVANCES ETHICALLY JUSTIFIABLE?

Morally speaking, life is sacred and the peak of all sacred things and as such should be treated with high level of sanctity and reference due to it. Our first parents committed sin of disobedience, God sanctioned them but life was not taking. The one who tempered with life received God's wrath.(Cf.Genesis 4:1-12) the only biblical backup for infidelity in marriage is right of divorce(Cf. Matthew 18:3-11).  The act of taking someone's life for cheating is neither ethically, legally nor biblically justifiable. For instance, the woman cought in the act of cheating whether it is a trap to get Jesus by the Jews or she actually did it are all secondary but the Hallmark of everything is that Jesus reaffirmed the sacredness of human life; that nothing is greater than it and can not be used in exchange for anything (Cf. John 8:3-12). Hence infidelity is not a justifiable reason for Extinction of one's life in whatever means.

DOES THE WHOLE SCENARIO ANY MESSAGE FOR THE FUTURE SPOUSE?

This infidelity in marriage and the inhuman cruel act of stabbing by some women left an indelible mark in the hearts of youths who are inspiring to marry some day. Most villages in some local governments in Nigeria, their marriage list are calling for urgent amendment to reduce marital unemployment on her daughters; yet some women who are employed are busy destroying the whole system. This issue of stabbing for cheating is at the owners risk on the side of the ladies because as it stands now men find it difficult to trust ladies again; where as trust is the bed rock of every marriage or relationship. 

The irony of the whole thing is that youths nowadays prefer distance relationship than living in bondage called marriage and as such stabbing policy is free ticket for perpetual single among the youths. The zeal for marital life is gradually diminishing in the minds of the Nigeria youths. The vacuum in the hearts of fatherless children cannot be filled by any man other than their biological fathers despite their waywardness; women should take note of this very fact before stabbing.

It is considered preferably to have greater number of divorces than a greater number of widows because divorced spouse have the chance of marring again but the dead is gone forever. This virus affecting marriages in Nigeria needs strong and active anti-virus (workable solution) to end it from spreading. My humble advice is this, if you cannot respect yourself, respect the sanctity of the institution (marital life) you have willingly entered; if that is too small for you then respect the one who instituted the institution (God). Men don't allow the fool under you to make you a fool. Zip up, focus and tighten your belts and for the women drop your swords and package well. 

Peace be with you!

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