IS IT RIGHT TO DATE?

©️Abonyi Hyginus Ebuka

It was my friend Benfrancis who on his WhatsApp status wrote a post which gave impetus to me ruminating on this topic, IS IT RIGHT TO DATE? Ben wrote, "Today, I will be posting some of my pretty girlfriends, so if you want to marry a girl worthy to be called a wife, you make your choice. WE ARE NOT INTERESTED IN ANY FORM OF DATING STUFF for they are first choice wonderful and special breed. So, if you are not a husband material give way and do not be on the queue".

The implication of his post is that to date is wrong and it is not worthy for any girl dimmed decent. Again, from his post, we get that you do not need to have any premarital encounter with his girlfriends, you just come and marry them. The question which one can asked here becomes, "Is it good to just marry a lady whom you do not know what her character is all about and she doesn't know yours". This however, is not our concern for today. Our concern is, what is wrong with dating? Is it something morally wrong?

 

However, this calls for analysis of the content of dating to see whether or not it is right to date.
It is important at this juncture to say that dating as at today's date is different from the dating as a relationship. Dating as used contextually here is that of a relationship. 

To define dating, many people have divergent opinions of what dating means but what is common among those definitions is that dating is a form of ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP where two persons enter into in order to assess each other for entering into INTIMATE relationship in the future. 

From this definition, as said, is a form of ROMANTIC relationship which according to Lumen Learning can be viewed as voluntary relationships between individuals who have intentions that each person will be a significant part of their ongoing lives. 

From the definition of dating also, it points that it is not an intimate relationship but a lead to it. Intimate relationship is a form of relationship where the to parties fancy each other and have emotional and physical feelings for each other. It's features involve feelings of liking or loving one or more people, romance, physical or sexual attraction, sexual relationships, or emotional and personal support between the members. 

From this definition, people believe dating is a period by which two people hang out occasionally to gist each other, take a good meal and also relax the soul. It involves visiting recreational areas and other places for the purpose of recreation. 

From another view point, dating for some is a kind of assessing relationship that has no definite or clear purpose for the future and it doesn't lead to anything  (like marriage) and it is a long term relationship. For this set of people who view dating from this point, they opined that dating involved sexual affairs like sex.

 Here, this set of people subscribe to COURTSHIP than DATING. Courtship according to Google online dictionary, is a period during which a couple develop a ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP before getting married. Such people that view dating from this side include people from different religions like Christianity and Islamic religion. From this point, I guess my friend Benfrancis viewed dating and therefore condemns it. Christian religion inclined to this category because for them, sex is solely for married couples for the only purpose of procreation and sex outside marriage is sin. 

Amidst these divergent views on dating, it is argueable that one's perspective of something determines ones behaviour towards that thing. One's perspective of something is determined by what definition one gives to that thing. In a nutshell, if one views dating from the first definition, one will behave according to it, withdrawing sex in it but if one views dating from the second definition, one will incorporate sexual relationship in dating relationship. Sexual relationship is different from Dating relationship. Sexual relationship is a relationship that involves sexual intimacy.

I can view dating to have two sides: Dating that is dud and dating that leads to many more. Dating that is dud stems from dating relationship that has no purpose which is related to the second definition of dating afore-defined while dating that leads to many more is one that relates to the first definition of dating afore-defined also.

Therefore, if you are a person from the first definition, you should keep away from a person from second definition while dating because Bad qualities corrupt good manners (cf 1corienthians 15:33). If you belong to first definition too, be careful also while dating one who belongs to the first group and according to Pope John paul II in his epistle, "Since Love and Responsibility", male are more attracted to what they see, women should consider their psychology since the way you dress is the way you are addressed.

Although, some are of the opinion that dating can involve kissing but advices that while kissing and showing affections fulfills a human need, it should be kept modest and private, kissing can lead to other forms of sexual feelings for the mind is more devious than we think it is so, be careful.

Who is to date therefore if one is to date? The world accepted age of maturity is 18 years which according to psychology, one has passed through adolescent stage. Hence, to date, you must be 18 and above.